Saturday, March 05, 2005

Model Daily Menu and Regimen

Many visitors complained about our apparent glorification of the doughnut and other unhealthful habits. Thus chastened, we have dusted off this daily regimen that served us so well as recently as the last century.

6:30 Rise & Wash Up

6:40 Morning exercise (Low-impact, mild aerobic)

7:00 Breakfast:
Nonfat, plain yogurt w/ wheat germ
Whole wheat muffin
Prunes (unsweetened)
Cup of hot water

8:30 Watch PBS quilting show
Glass of water

9:30 Snack:
Wheat bran & sunflower kernels
Glass of Water

10:00 Walk (3 miles w/ weights)

11:00 Glass of water

12:00 Lunch:
Mashed lentils and greens in whole wheat pita
Beet chips (unsalted)
Kiwi fruit (note: pick seeds from teeth)
Glass of water
(Finish remaining yogurt-germ)

1:30 Review Whole Earth catalog
Glass of water

2:30 Glass of water

3:30 Snack:
Black beans & cabbage squares
Glass of water
(Finish leftover yogurt-germ before dinner)

4:00 Afternoon exercise (Pilates)

5:00 Glass of water

6:00 Dinner:
Organic pinto beans
Fresh kale
Coarse cornmeal mash
Dates (unsweetened)
Hot water seasoned w/ allspice
(dipose of remaining yogurt-germ)

7:30 Glass of water

8:30 Watch PBS nature show
Glass of water

10:00 Evening exercises (Yoga positions)

10:30 Bed

10:45 Toss & turn

11:00 Rise & pace about (mild aerobic)

11:15 Evening snack:
Cinnamon rice cakes (2)
Glass of skim milk

11:30 Bed (toss & turn)

11:40 Evening snack (second):
Cinnamon rice cakes (5)
Skim milk shake w/ carob & frozen tofu

11:50 Bed (toss & turn)

11:55 Rise, dress, & go out

12:15 Late-night snack:
7-Eleven foot long chili dog
Large bag pork rinds
32-ounce Big Gulp Cola
Watch Hawaii Five-O re-run

1:00 Late-night snack (second):
El Grandé beef & bean burrito
7-Eleven super-large nachos
Schlitz Malt Liquour (quart bottle)
Large bowl rocky road ice cream
Pack of Lucky Strikes
Watch Gomer Pyle, USMC and Green Acres re-runs

2:05 Maalox & bed

* Adapted from Eat Regular, Be Regular (Jan Zafloski, Whole Life/Whole Grain Books, 1993) and The Gastronomically-Correct Diet (Belinda Garbanza, Pita Press, 1994).


Blogger Ned said...

I have been advised that only low-impact aerobics are safe for joints but having some doubts as to the pre-aerobics condition of my joints, I have designed the perfect exercise plan.

No-Impact Aerobics. You simply pop an exercise video tape into the VCR and make sure you have lots of popcorn ready to snack on while you watch.

3/06/2005 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Remainderman said...

Ned --

Excellent addition to the regimen.

We would only advise that the corn be air-popped -- with plenty of real, melted butter and salt added. This gets the whole starch-fat-sodium metabolic process going.

3/06/2005 12:29:00 PM  
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