Friday, January 21, 2005

Traffic Report, Monday, January 20, 2004

Gentle visitors, so much has happened since our last report, it's hard to know where to begin (though, having already begun, [see above, "Gentle visitors, so much has happened..."] -- a kind of, I want to say, conundrum; but, that's not really it: more of a 'paradox'; yet, that might be overstating it -- we continue). [;)]

The editorial offices, hereunder, were all a buzz a week ago about the sudden spike in visitorship. Did this signal the re-awakening of hibernant humankind? A deathbed recovery of the moribund masses? Was it, in fact, the SECOND HARMONIC CONVERGENCE? (The first, of course, occurring on August 17, 1987, when we reached "the point at which the counter-spin of history finally comes to a momentary halt, and the still imperceptible spin of post-history commences"?*) Was it mere coincidence that the second was arriving 6359 days after the first?

Well... it turns out, it probably wasn't. And, thank goodness, because the slight halt of history in 1987 and the slight post-counter-spin since has wreaked havoc on Gregorian and other non-diverse calendars and, consequently, commerce, except those trading in Mayan crystals and day-timers.

In fact, the spike was, in part, attributable to our discount offers on 2004 collectible pocket calendars. (Consisting, mostly, of the 15 pocket calendars received from real estate agents and others last year: "Considering a move? Let's make a 'date'. Call Bunny McAlister at Year 'Round Realty.")

As it happened, we sold none. To our gentle non-returning visitors, we can only say: "In 200 years, you will regret not having plunked down the future equivalent of a haypenny ($12.50 in current currency) for such a then calendar. Unless time has completely halted, or started going backwards, in which case you will probably not regret this non-transaction."

For those who continue to return, after the Discordant Spike, we applaud your determination to search through the tangled threads of text to find that hidden pearl of great wisdom.

*This is neither the time nor the place to debate whether the Harmonic Convergence was a point in time, a moment in space, or the entire 26-year cycle from White Galactic Wizard to Yellow Galactic Seed, 1987-2013, as some hold. I would simply note that if you're holding on to any timeshares, please be advised & call Bunny McAlister at Year 'Round Realty.


Blogger Gone Away said...

Just call me Spike :D

1/21/2005 07:17:00 PM  
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