Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Your humble contributor knew that he should not have taken the simulated mashed potatoes from Kentucky Fried, but the free prize was too tempting. (It helped that the prize was probably made in Chongqing, where Kentucky Fried is now fried.) Anyhow -- it led to a largely sleepless night.

At 3:16 a.m., your restless Remainderman awoke to see a small creature standing at the foot of the bed. In the dim-lit gloom, its silhouette appeared as a trinity of wafers -- almost Jungian really.

"Yo, ho, top o' the morning to ye, matey!" A high, squeaky, familiar voice. It's gloved fist making a kind of heave-ho swing/salute.

"Who or what are you?"

"Well, gee willikers! If you don't know, you're the only one who doesn't. Last time I checked, I had the highest name/face recognition in the world. "

"The Sorcerer's Apprentice?"

"Hohoho. Golly me. Why, that was just a character I played."

"But, aren't you just a character -- a cartoon character at that?"

"Darn tootin'! Not only that, but a character without a character."

"That's true -- you have no character traits except.... relentless cheerfulness."

"'The great Unlicked and Uncontaminated. Ever aware of his transcendent destiny.' That's how Uncle Wally described me. An icon."

"Innocent. Transcendent. Iconic. Hmmmm."

"You betcha, golly, gee, whiz, I was made to be loved. But, you don't love me, do you?"

"Well, it's not that really it ... it's just... well, aren't you just a global sales pitch for expensive & worthless trinkets and hyper-real joy? Haven't you single-handedly created a simulated world?

"My, my my. Sounds like the talk of a few no-good pinkos... with the exception of our friends in the Youth Communist Mouseketeer Club. I'd be hoppin' mad if I weren't so cheerful."

With that it began dissolving back into the unconcious, warning, in a voice a few octaves lower: "I'll be back."

Fiddlesticks! Your humble Contributor meant to get it's autograph.


Acknowledgements to The Journal of Popular Culture Vol. 25 Issue 3 Page 91 Winter 1991 A Clean and Separate Space: Walt Disney in Person and Production Paul Jerome Croce. Not available for free on line.

3 Comments:

Blogger Gone Away said...

Thinks: Is the Remainderman taking the Mickey?

1/18/2005 04:56:00 PM  
Blogger Harry said...

We call those mashed potatoes wallpaper paste here in Hoohooville.

1/18/2005 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger Remainderman said...

That's why your humble Contributor was feeling pasty.

1/19/2005 08:22:00 AM  

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