Monday, January 03, 2005

The Ravished Curl*

Sam, seated at the edge of the chaise longue, leaned forward, catching his chiseled chin in the palms of his strong but gentle hands, his muscular frame slightly hunched, his bronze skin momentarily paled.

"I guess I need to get my hair cut."

Dee slid next to him, running her delicate fingers through his golden, manly locks. "Oh, no, baby," she said in a feigned pout, "I won't let them touch a single strand."

"Yeah, well, the guys at the agency are, like, are giving me a hard time. They say things like: "Hey, Sam, with that mop, you couldn't get a modeling job with a third-tier romance publisher.'"

"Oh, baby, don't let those philistines get to you," Dee said, "You could take all of those guys on at once in a shoot."

"Maybe..., I don't know," he said, stroking his jaw bone. "If it would just lay down a little, I could probably live with it -- but, it just stands up. Every morning, I stare in the mirror and think: 'Man, you look like Bozo on steroids.'"

Dee drew him to her ample and womanly self, still stroking his strong but gentle curls. "Oh, that's nothing, baby. You don't have near that clown's pattern baldness. We'll get you some relaxer and fix that right up. Then, you'll be a dead ringer for Fabio."

Sam looked up at her from her nurturing embrace. "I heard that he has, like, prostate issues now."

"Nooo, baby. You heard wrong. He might have lost an inch or so off his pecs. But, hey, he's forty-something."

Sam straightened up. "Look, tomorrow morning, I think I'll run over to 'Hair It Is'" and just get a trim."

Dee smiled. "That place closed up years ago, silly."

"How about 'Hair-Em'."

"Closed, too. You just haven't gotten your hair done for so long, baby. You're looking at either paying $200 for some guy named Sebastian to fuss and snip for half an hour, or paying $15 for some guy named Tam to clip you quicker than a Ho Chi minute. " Sam sank back in his seat, his crystalline blue eyes cast downwards.

"Baby, you're way too upset about this," she said. "Here. Finish your wine and get to bed. Sleep on it. You'll feel better in morning."

"I heard Fabio doesn't drink wine," he said, regarding the vintage pinot grigot.

"More talk," she said, plucking a bit of golden dandruff from his rugged head. "I mean, the guy's Italian!"

"Alright," he said, standing up with his sparkling goblet in hand, looking every bit David in the hands of Michelangelo, then walking, in his Adonic gait, down the hall.

"Goodnight, Delilah," he called.

"Night, Sam, I'll be along in minute" she replied over her elegant shoulder, already rummaging through the lower cupboard drawer and drawing out the dusty, cigar box.

She opened it and removed the scissors, still cold and sharp to the touch; ran her fingers along the steely teeth of the thinning shears; and, caressed the crusty, ancient bottle of hair tonic.

A dark grin came over her face as she whispered, "Oh, Fabio -- tinted and blow-dried god of romance -- I will do your bidding. This guy's history."

* Apologies to Alexander Pope.


Blogger Harry said...

An apology? Eh, twarn't necessary. The only thing I understood of Pope was his elaborate title, so I am, for one, glad that he inspired yours. And you fooled me most wonderfully.

1/04/2005 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Remainderman said...

I should note that I meant no offense to ethnic varieties here. My own barber's name is Tam Minh.

I trust he forgives me; otherwise, he might make good on his oft repeated threat to carve his initials in the back of my decidedly becoming coiffure.

1/05/2005 01:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Note the last lines of Chaucer's Monk's re-telling of Samson's story:

Be warned by this example old and plain:
Men shouldn't be confiding to their wives
Something that should in secrecy remain
If it might touch upon their limbs or lives.

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