Saturday, January 15, 2005

Model Honey-Do List

Contributor's note: What with the complexity of contemporary society, many visitors (who shall remain Anonymous) have implored us for some models or templates of written discourse that might aid them in various social situations -- whether at home, at work, in the marketplace, or in the larger world. We are happy to oblige with this, the first in a planned series of models. (Your further suggestions -- pathetic and bizarre though they may be -- are welcomed.)

Honey, while I'm gone, just a few things for you to attend to.
  • Re the items on my last list -- cleaning the gutters, repairing the roof tiles, scraping and painting the eaves, repointing the chimney, insulating the attic, cleaning the garage, re-sealing the driveway, rebuilding the porch, laying stone for the patio, laying tile for the kitchen, caulking the bathtub, installing bookshelves in the den, sanding and finishing the floor, etc. -- well, if you feel like starting on any of them, fine; if not, that's fine, too. All things are passing: if you do any of these things now, you'll just have to do it again before you know it. Will it matter in 20 years? I don't think so.
  • I've left some laundry to be folded and ironed downstairs -- but, don't touch it! This work is far more suited to "gatherer-nurturers", not "hunter-protectors". This is true even if you're not hunting, you haven't dragged in any meat recently, and you haven't fended off any attackers except that bug that was crawling on my blouse last year. I don't want you to loose your edge.
  • I left the place pretty clean and neat, but I certainly don't expect it to remain that way -- it's a small price to pay for just living. Oh -- and by the way -- I'm really getting into the chaos theory you told me about -- profound order in apparent disorder -- wow! it's so true!
  • I left some paint samples on the dining room table -- No! I'm not asking you to give me your opinion on them. You're so sweet, you'll just tell me they all look fine. Besides, you're so color-blind you couldn't tell a carmine from a crimson, and I love you for that.
  • There's plenty of cold beer in the fridge -- pale ale and stout -- did I get that right? Also, fixins' for meatball subs. Don't worry about any spills -- the sauce will simple add an indelible and delightful splash of color to the counters.
  • Lots of football on this weekend -- don't miss a minute. I know they say that it's violent and just a vicarious experience of power and physicality for guys who would otherwise be winded and wounded after 5 minutes on the field -- but, I don't want to see my big Teddy Bear hurtin'.
  • Absolutely have the guys over. I know what I said about "Monster", Bubba, and "Wild Man", but I just know that, deep-down, they're good guys, and what's a home but a place of hospitality. (Tell Monster for me thanks for replacing the plate glass after last time.)
  • Above all, chill out, kick back, take it easy -- for goodness sake, you work too hard as it is.

Love 'ya,



Blogger Harry said...

Whew! If you didn't invent this woman, then somebody should.

1/15/2005 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger Gone Away said...

Hey, I didn't know you did fantasy too.

1/15/2005 09:47:00 PM  
Blogger Remainderman said...

Gentlemen --

I assure just another day in the life of your humble Contributor.

1/15/2005 10:45:00 PM  
Blogger Harry said...

Where did we go wrong, Gone?

1/16/2005 12:46:00 AM  
Blogger Gone Away said...

I cannot answer that, Harry, for fear it would incriminate me...

1/16/2005 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Remainderman said...

Anything you do say can and will be used against you.

1/16/2005 11:15:00 AM  
Anonymous RockandRun said...

Any baseball poems you could share with us?

4/03/2005 08:33:00 AM  

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