Saturday, January 29, 2005

Model Doughnut-Maker's Resume

We suppose our gentle visitors have seen every variety of doughnut-maker resume, but this one -- another in our series of model textual communications --- may take the cake.

Education

B.S. Culinary Institute of Toledo. 1990.

M.S. Cleveland School of Fatty Foods. 1992.

Ph.D. Instititute for Advanced Tubular Studies, Akron, Oh. 1995.

Professional

Curator, National Doughnut Museum, Columbus, Oh. 2001 -

Associate Professor of Doughnut History, Dayton College of Obesity, 1998 - 2001.

Chief Beignets Chef, Tres, Tres Francais Patisserie, Shaker Heights, Oh. 1995-98.

Sous-Chef and Fellow, Boiling Oil Bakery, Canton (Oh.), 1994-95.

Nutritional Consultant, Youngstown (Oh.) Police Department. 1993.

Publications

"I Lost 50 Pounds In 50 Days!... Eating Nothing But Jelly Donuts!" Star Weekly, April 1, 1995.

"Donuts Without The 'O': Separation and Loss in Fried Cakes." Eating Disorder & Comfort Food Monthly. May 1996.

"A Warmer, Cruller World: The Long, Twisted Story." Annals of Fried Cakes. 1998.

"Eros and Thanatos in Pamiquay’s Creme-Filled Selections." Journal of Doughnuts in the Arts. Fall 1999.

"The Legacy of 'Krispy Kreme'; Or, Why Our Kids Can't Spell" in Essays in Eating and Education. Scholastic Cooking Press, 2000.

Librettist for Die Glazen Fritter; premiere, November 3, 2000. Chillicothe (Oh.) Opera Society.

"A Critique of Duncan’s Five Proofs for the Roundness of Doughnuts." Food & Philosophy. Winter 2002.

"Glazed and Confused: The Controversy Over 'No Sugar Added' Doughnuts." Doughnut Marketing News. September 16, 2003.

"Yeast Meets West: New Asian Influences in California Pastries." California Confections & Cuisine. February 2004.

4 Comments:

Blogger Gone Away said...

Brilliant. As ever.

1/29/2005 06:08:00 PM  
Blogger Harry said...

A laffabite.

1/30/2005 12:14:00 AM  
Blogger Gone Away said...

Remainderman: There is a light-hearted proposal that I would put to you but can find no email address to which to direct it. If you could get in touch with me at clive.allen@gmail.com I would be happy to explain further.

1/30/2005 12:58:00 PM  
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2/06/2006 09:42:00 PM  

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