Thursday, December 30, 2004

Minutes of the Annual Meeting of the International Calendar Society (Excerpt)

President: Ladies, before we close our meeting, I would like to thank Monsieur Lemois for the wonderful luncheon: I especially enjoyed the semaines cinquante-deux and the wonderful dates. Magnifique!

As is our tradition, we invite each member of the board to offer her comments, critique, or complaints. We take pride in this, even though it provokes rather frank observations, because we believe that we are better for it. We will start with you Jan.

Jan: Yes. Well, I think that we entertain too many new resolutions -- we should limit them. As my Norwegian great-grandmother used to say, "Martin Luther doesn't require it; the King doesn't require it; neither should we require it."

President: Thank you, Jan. Valentina?

Valentina: I sink we are too much cold and too much in the ground. We should come out of the hole and open our hearts to the love. Also, I do not sink there should be the dais reserved for the president.

President: Alright. Marcia?

Marcia: I've never hidden my feelings. There are snakes in our midst -- we should drive them out. It is neither good nor holy to avoid this issue. I will not passover it again; I will resurrect it at every meeting.

President: I must disagree Marcia, but your are entitled to your opinion. Avril?

Avril: Really, this is all so foolish, so taxing, so cruel.

President: Next is Mae.

Mae: I think we are too quick to forget our forebears here -- namely, our mothers. Surely, we could arrange a suitable memorial.

President: Good idea. June?

June: Let's not forget our fathers, Mae. I also believe we should make an effort to graduate our goals and to marry them to our mission. Is that so rare?

President: Alright. Julie?

Julie: First, I would just like also to compliment Monsieur Lemoins on the juliennes de la Bastille. I think we need to assert our independence -- what could compare with that? -- and to trim up -- I would reduce our size by a fourth.

President: I think we're just about right, but.. Augusta?

Augusta: I have little to share other than unstudied speculation and assumption. Beyond that, I am vacant.

President: Ok. Septima?

Septima: Well, we should resume our studies and celebrate our labors. To Monsieur Lemoins, I would just say: "Yum! Kippers."

President: Yes, they were delightful. Octavia?

Octavia: We should chart a new course -- set sail for great discoveries. That would be sweetest to me.

President: Here, here. Let's see... Novia.

Novia: Well as a veteran of this society, I would say that we should be quicker to give thanks, as they do in my native Turkey. We would all relish that. And, kudos, to M. Lemoins on his calendrier grégorien.

President: Delicious. And, finally, Natividad. Hannah, cou... could you bring the mike closer? Thank you.

Natividad: Well, I cannot add much except, as my Filipina grandmother used to say, "Pagkahaba-haba man daw ng prusisyon, sa simbahan din ang tuloy", which means, "No matter how long the procession, it still ends up in church." Bless you.

President: Ladies, thank you for your thoughts. A happy new year to you all.


Blogger Harry said...

A marvelous formal gathering, Mr. President (I am even able to forgive the fact that you spoke with a list)

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