Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Flowing With Non-Dairy Creamer

"On that day, the mountains shall drip new wine, and the hills shall flow with milk."

I can see that day coming. For now, at least, we have milk in the fridge.

Dairy products had become the victim of the current domestic obsession with pigment application and -- to be honest -- my own lacteal lackadaisiality. "No-one is stopping you from picking some up." Strictly speaking, this is true; but the issue is more complex and nuanced than that.

Not three days ago, found myself searching out a suitable, substitute mate for the coffee. Snapped a packet and ripped it open. Here's what came out.

  • Corn syrup solids - what you scrape off the plate a few hours after serving pancakes.
  • Vegetable oil - since when are cotton seeds, safflowers, and/or palm kernels vegetables?
  • Sodium caseinate (a milk derivative) - in the sense that a few, unscaled notes are derivatives of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony
  • Dipotassium phosphate (moderates coffee acidity) - I though that was the point... a little acid to balance our base natures.
  • Mono & Diglyerides (prevents oil separation) - what they use for tanker spills.
  • Sodium aluminosilicate - made its name as additive to paint and pet care products.
  • Artificial flavors - surprise.
  • Annatto color - actually that might look good in the billiard room.

Believe me, I have nothing against non-dairy hot beverage lighteners; just not my cup of tea.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The quote is from the Book of Joel 4:18. Allusions to Canaan. Foreshadowings of Bethlehem, Cana, the Upper Room, Calvary, and the last things.

12/08/2004 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger palinurus said...

Re Sodium aluminosilicate: "We don't make your non-dairy creamer; we make your non-dairy creamer better."

12/08/2004 09:43:00 PM  

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